To TiTi YaYa, I Love You So Big!

I know, you're probably wondering what the heck am I saying!

You see, today is the anniversary of losing one of my favorite humans, someone I loved with all of my heart, someone I looked up to dearly, someone who I admired, someone who I wanted to be like, someone I wanted to love me. My Aunt Claudia (Titi Yaya) was such a beautiful, incredible human. Now, she wasn't perfect haha but no one is. She had that smile and laugh that would not only light up the whole room, but had a way of warming up your heart, soul, and spirit. She was the kind of person my siblings and I always wanted to be around.

Now, let's keep it real: you know that one auntie that says she doesn't have a favorite, but she definitely has a favorite? Yeah, her favorite was definitely my brother Alex! When I was younger, it bothered me so much, cause I wanted to be someone's favorite; I wanted to be included. Now looking back, Alex and Claudia just had such a special bond. Those two had so many inside jokes I don't think even they could keep up! I also realize you can love everyone, yet have different bonds/relationships with each person. She loved every single one of us though, and man did she love us hard.

She was only 28 years young when she was taken from us, and it was so surreal last year being 28 and turning 29. I was only 10 days away from turning 17, and I'll never forget the day I got the news of her passing. I remember having one of the best days in school, and coming home sensing something was wrong. My adoptive parents seemed like they had been crying, and I couldn't figure out what was wrong, until they sat us down at the table and broke the news to us. I instantly broke down, and I remember thinking it was my fault, that I had caused her accident somehow. Everyone had tried to tell me that it wasn't, but that didn't stop the guilt and pain being there for years and years. It took a conversation years later with my uncle Jose to be freed of that guilt and shame.

Now, you never stop grieving your loved ones. As I'm typing this, I'm ugly crying HARD with tears streaming down my face making it hard to read. I remind myself that I grieve because I loved her so much. I had someone so special that I loved so much, and she left too soon. I wanted to do so much with her, but now she gets to be an angel looking over me everyday. I got to live up 29 for the both of us, and in 10 days, I'll make it to 30 for the both of us! And while at times I'm sad she's not here physically with us anymore, I wouldn't give up the opportunity to not be her niece or to not be loved by her to take away the pain.

Claudia, I love you so so much, I'm so thankful I got to be one of your nieces. I'm so thankful I got to love you and was loved by you. I'm so thankful you taught me my love for fashion, shoes, purses, laughing, and so on. I'm so thankful for all the memories, laughs, and smiles you brought in my life. I hope I'm making you proud Yaya, and I miss you so much. I know Heaven is just one big party up there with you in it, and I'll join you when my time comes. In the meantime, I'll continue doing what God has called me to do down here!

I love you so big Yaya!