Seasons of Love- MARRIED EDITION!

Originally when I was planning this blog out, I was planning on starting with singles first then ending with marriage! BUT, I was reading a lot of the responses from my married and single friends, and everything comes back to the single season! So, it's time to get married! I'll post the questions and answers: I might even give some of my personal reflections on the responses I got!

Q: To my married friends, how many years have y'all been married, and what are some lessons you've learned so far?

"31 years! Don't sweat the small stuff. Put God first, learn to forgive."

"4 years this June. So many lessons... 1st, communicate. Always. Everything. All the little details, talk, and be a part of each other's lives, joys, and struggles. 2nd, forgive easy and fast. Don't hold onto it. What good comes out of it? 3rd, don't keep secrets from each other; if someone tries to get you to keep a secret form your spouse, shut that down FAST. That's manipulation and is not okay. Secrets (not surprises, that's different) do not belong in marriage. 4th, don't be sensitive. It's easy to get your feelings hurt. It's easy to get wrapped up in your feelings! But I know with all of my heart that my husband loves me and has my best interest in mind.. With that, when something happens or he does/say something, 9 times out of 10, he didn't mean to hurt my feelings- almost always, he meant well. I can either calm down and remind myself that he loves me and didn't mean to hurt me, OR I can get in my feelings, make a big deal and cause more issues and possibly more hurt. My response is up to me. No matter what, keep Christ center."

"3 years; keep God at the center of your marriage, the you feel like you've done all you can, turn it over to Him. Men require respect to feel loved and women require security and affection to feel loved. Never assume, communicate and check in frequently."

"A year and a half. I've learned that being selfless takes intentionality. I also learned the importance of being surrounded by a community that loves and uplifts you is a key ingredient in having a successful marriage. Lastly, my job isn't to change my spouse; my job is to change me and give space for God to move where He needs to."

Q: People say that marriage/relationships are hard work, would you mind sharing an example of the hard work, and where you saw the victory in that hard work?

"I don't agree that marriage is hard work. It's a partnership. We sometimes have issues, but we're human. I believe we have a strong relationship because God is our go to! We pray together. You have to be committed."

"Marriage IS hard work, and the devil is constantly ready to attack it. But when you keep Christ centered, it's easier to work through. We were encouraged early on with the simplest and funniest, yet most accurate advice. My mom didn't tell us much. She simply said, 'communicate, communicate, communicate'. I didn't understand until we were married and in the middle of the hard stuff why exactly she had emphasized that word so much, but she was right. Always, no matter what, communicate with your spouse. Also, know your spouse's love language and love them in THEIR love language, not yours. I'm not big on physical touch, I don't need a lot of it. But my husband? That's HIS love language. So I hug him, hold his hand, rub his back or head because that shows him that I love him in the way HE needs. My love language is quality time and acts of service. So, my husband makes time to put his phone down, slow down from work and just spend time with me because this is how I feel loved. Knowing your spouses's love language matters."

"Forgiveness. Forgiveness is a choice and sometimes you have to make that choice before your heart and brain are ready to let go of the situation. You won't always get the apology you're looking for. You may not receive the understanding you desire for why the transgression eve happened in the first place. But if you want to move forward and stay married, then you'll have to forgive your spouse. The benefit is al the good times to come and letting go of a bitter heart."

"I wouldn't say that marriage in itself is hard work, but it is the humility that is one of the big opportunities for growth. For example: at the beginning, we had a lot of petty fights, but as we've grown with each other through, before starting an argument or even offering a critique, we ask the question 'will this matter 5 years from now' and gage our conversations from there."

Q: To my engaged/married friends, what's one really sound wisdom you believe singles should know in their current season of singleness?

"Don't give pieces of your heart away to a person/people who doesn't respect you. I believe God has the right person for everyone."

"Don't be so focused on your future spouse that you miss out on the joy and blessings life has to offer you RIGHT now. Don't let that future someone find you depressed and sad; let them find you fulfilled, happy, and full of life, fulfilling God's calling so when the time is right they can join right in with you!"

"Use this time to work on yourself. The more healed you can go into a relationship, the better off you and your relationship will be. When you're healed, you'll attract healed partners and/or have the discernment to recognize how someone else's baggage would negatively impact you. This will save you time and energy so you don't invest them in someone who can't love you properly/receive love."

"The problems/issues/sin you fail to deal with in your singleness will follow you into your marriage."

Q: To my engaged/married friends, what was something you wish you would have done in your single season? Even more of, etc?

"I wish I had invested more into my relationship with Jesus. I wish I had truly, wholeheartedly made Him first. There were moments I did, moments that I tried, but it would've been a lot easier if I had instilled those good habits then."

"Learned to love myself first."

"I wish I spent more time surrounded by seasoned married women to learn and grow from."

Q: How do you keep God in the center of your current relationship? What's something that helps to keep God in the center?

"God has to be first. We get up early to read the Word, have devotions, and pray together."

"Prayer is a big one. We pray over small and big things. And we pray before decisions are made. Church is important. There's an accountability that comes from attending church on the regular that is so healthy. And the fellowship is so good! And simple things, like putting worship on when the moods start feeling tense, or finding scripture to back up a conversation. Who you surround yourself with is a big one too. Godly friends are so important."

"I try to make sure I'm personally talking to and consulting with God about my marriage. During our weekly check ins, we make sure we open up with prayer; we pray for open ears and open hearts, we rebuke the spirit of offense, and we ask God to speak through us. We attend church in person together as often as we can (some weekends we are out of town). I accept when my own efforts aren't enough to rectify a disagreement and turn it over to God and leave it be (He always delivers)."

Q: What's one scripture God says about marriage and love that you cling to and apply?

"Hers- "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1st Corinthians 13: 4-8"

His- "Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" Ephesians 5:25"

“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

"1st Corinthians 13: 4-8, emphasis on 5"

"1st Corinthians 13 also known as the love chapter! One thing that has helped is inserting my name where in place of love. For example, instead of 'Love is kind', I'll read it as my name '(my name) is kind' and if I haven't reflected any of those qualities to my spouse that day, I make adjustments!"

Q: Let it out: what's some tips, wisdoms, etc that you'd love to share that's helped you big time?

"Hers- I don't have to have my way or be right all the time. (This is hard for me- hey me too friend! lol), but I read a lot of good books

His- If my wife was in the room with 100 other women, does she know she's the most loved and respected woman in the room?"

"Just laugh, through the good, best, worst, and crazy times; just laugh and keep loving each other. And always, no matter what anyone says, keep flirting with your spouse. There's no such thing as a 'honeymoon phase' when you're crazy about someone because that feeling doesn't end, it's not a phase. Dance in the middle of the store, kiss in the rain, tease, make each other blush, keep it romantic and sweet and fun no matter what. It helps you get through the hard stuff and adds so much joy."

"It's usually easier to focus on our spouse and everything they're doing wrong, but we might feel less frustrated about those things if we focus more on ourselves and the areas we can improve. When we're both working on ourselves and winning in life, we find it's harder to argue over petty things."

"Marriage is meant to be a reflection of our relationship with God. Is the way I'm treating my spouse reflect the way that God would treat one of His children? If not, where do I need to grow?"

WOW, WOW, WOW, WOW! First of all, thank you to every single one of my friends/loved ones/family that took time out of their day to answer these questions and send it back to me! Second, God thank you so much for placing every single one of these friends into my life, these beautiful godly friendships! Listen, as a single gal, I've been taught to go ahead and prepare myself for marriage and to become the Proverbs 31 woman! It's so beautiful reading all of these responses, and how these had lead to other topics I want to write about to dig deeper into this! This blog is definitely one of those when I get engaged and married, I'll come back to and reread over and over! Marriage is a gift, and I believe it does require "sacrifice", work, commitment, humility, and so on, YET when it's with the right person, it's so worth it. I believe it's a gift from God and one of His blessings for us! Singles, I pray that when you read this, it encourages you, gives you hope, helps you to prepare, and blesses you just like I did! Now, in order to get married, you have to be dating and get engaged! Catch me next Friday and let's chat about the dating and engaged season!